The power of media is a potent one, it can inspire and bastion people of all walks of life, it can be the only light in a world for many that don’t fit neatly into it. It can also be nothing more than a retreat away from the world as it is, a place to shove one’s head into the sand and ignore. In Jane Schoenbrun’s ‘I Saw the TV Glow’ it’s both. A double edged sword cutting both ways across the lives of a shy young boy named Owen (Justice Smith) and his obstinate friend Maddy (Brigette Lundy-Paint).

The two meet at school after hours, Void High School to be specific. The world they inhabit often feels like we’re in something more akin to ‘Welcome to Nightvale’ as opposed to any kind of real world. And yet it’s alarmingly recognizable, the movie is steeped in nostalgia. Opening up on Owen’s gym class where the children are lifting up the parachute to duck under it as it falls down around them. I’m sure anyone that was once an elementary student from the 90s knows exactly what I’m talking about. Later Owen and Maddy meet in an odd liminal space, a school not during school hours, and they start talking about a TV show that Maddy is reading a book about. ‘The Pink Opaque’ is her favorite show ever, and while Owen has seen commercials, his parents don’t let him stay up late enough to watch it.

Owen manages to sneak away from home to watch an episode with Maddy and shortly thereafter she starts taping episodes and dropping them off for him. The show itself is so clearly a stand in for beloved 90s cult show ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ that even the typeface on the credits is an exact match. ‘The Pink Opaque’ is about two girls with super natural powers teaming up to fight the evil Mr. Melancholy. Maddy sees the show as a rebellion, a plan to make her life the way it should be. Owen uses the show as an escape, a place that he can go when he feels trapped by his own nerves. Owen is painfully shy, Maddy on the other hand feels empowered. Both seem at war with society but Maddy has figured out the tools to fight it, whereas Owen feels like he’s given up before the fight started.

“I like girls, you know that right?” Maddy tells Owen on the bleachers outside of school. She knows who she is, and she’s not afraid of it. She asks Owen, “Do you like girls? Do you like boys?” Owen replies, “I like TV Shows” the idea of his queerness, or his whatever his gender identity might be, is something he’s positively terrified of. He watches ‘The Pink Opaque’ to ignore rationalizing with that part of him, Maddy watches it as a rubric for how to rationalize with that part of her.

Their upbringing too plays into this. Maddy’s mom ignores her, and her stepdad has broken her nose at least once. Owen’s parents are overbearing, not letting him stay up past 10:15 PM to watch his favorite show. His dad at one point asks when Owen says he wants to watch ‘The Pink Opaque’, “Isn’t that a girl show?” This home, like most suburban homes in the 90s, is not one where folks are comfortable asking themselves probing questions about their sexual identity. Owen is trying to force himself into the life that exists for him, Maddy is trying to break free of the prison she sees her life is.

As the film unfolds and Owen and Maddy drift apart more and more. Maddy becoming more set on escape, escape from the town that will kill her if she stays, escape from the traditional roles of gender and sexuality. As Maddy starts to escape Owen begins to cave in. He loses his mother, his father is gruff and uncaring as ever. And Owen continues to lack the tools to question himself. He’s so terrified to look inward, he looks to the only thing that brings him comfort. His favorite TV Show.

And as we watch Owen hide in the media that is a beacon to him there is a delight in it. The 90s campiness, the practical effects, the makeup on veritable monsters of the week. And yet an aching sadness takes hold, and there’s more mysteries to be discovered. I don’t want to get too in the weeds of the minutia, nor do I want to spoil big plot points, but while the nostalgia IV drip of the film feels good it’s important to ask ourselves, as the film asks of us. Are we being empowered in a way that will make a change in the world? Or are we just hiding, burying our heads in the screen to find a little solace from a place that can all too often be far too cruel.

5/5